crapola

This is late but if you're reading this, Happy New Year! I was in the middle of writing this when I suddenly got hit by an existential crisis. It was pretty dark that it almost turn morbid. Okay, it was definitely a bit morbid but I did something I've been planning to do for a while now so I managed to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Brains are amazing. Maybe I should talk a little bit about my crisis and then move on with other more pleasant things. While I am very positive and sometimes I may look like I ooze sunlight out of me, I can be very hard on myself. My thoughts can be depressive but I am not depressed because I think of it as a form of self-actualization. Haha I don't think I am fully self-actualized but I do try to see myself in all angles, good and bad. I usually let myself wallow in self-pity for a few moments but I'm already 28 so today I've decided to postpone my pity party. Save it for a time where I can afford to be sad. Now, let's move o

This was written when a friend was going through a terrible heartbreak and also while I was listening to Can't Love You Anymore by IU and Oh Hyuk on repeat. Since then I believe things got better and I am listening to happier music so I guess there's no point in finishing this story haha. ******* You will always be reminded of the start when you are ending something. Or when something has ended. Like that morning when we were both spitting vile words like only lovers can, perfectly aiming for the soft spots we voluntarily showed and displayed to each other. As I sat down, wounded, I remembered the start when we knew nothing about each other, heavy armors ready to be taken down, blissfully unaware that the end was going to be this ugly. But if I had known, would I still shed the armor concealing me from the ugliness of the world or would I still happily bare myself down for you? It was a long journey for us to get here. The countless night spent watching each other in lit