This was written when a friend was going through a terrible heartbreak and also while I was listening to Can't Love You Anymore by IU and Oh Hyuk on repeat. Since then I believe things got better and I am listening to happier music so I guess there's no point in finishing this story haha.
You will always be reminded of the start when you are ending something. Or when something has ended. Like that morning when we were both spitting vile words like only lovers can, perfectly aiming for the soft spots we voluntarily showed and displayed to each other. As I sat down, wounded, I remembered the start when we knew nothing about each other, heavy armors ready to be taken down, blissfully unaware that the end was going to be this ugly. But if I had known, would I still shed the armor concealing me from the ugliness of the world or would I still happily bare myself down for you?
It was a long journey for us to get here. The countless night spent watching each other in little boxes, perfectly curated text to brighten each other's days, quiet little noises under the blanket to hide from the world. There were also accusations based on overthinking and misworded text, jealousy masked by anger because you're halfway across the world, also crying. A lot of crying. Because I missed you, because you missed me, because of uncertainty and because of many other things because that's just how we are. Or were.
Now that everything has ended, I am at this weird intersection where I am angry but also sad. I am relieved but also uncertain. Am I feeling too much or am I feeling too little? Where do I go from here? Should I go back to you offering sweet words to soothe your pain?
Do you feel the same too? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you relieved? Do you feel uncertain too? Do you regret what you said? Do you want to come back? Repair the wounds you gave me with more words coming from the same mouth that hurt me?
*******
You will always be reminded of the start when you are ending something. Or when something has ended. Like that morning when we were both spitting vile words like only lovers can, perfectly aiming for the soft spots we voluntarily showed and displayed to each other. As I sat down, wounded, I remembered the start when we knew nothing about each other, heavy armors ready to be taken down, blissfully unaware that the end was going to be this ugly. But if I had known, would I still shed the armor concealing me from the ugliness of the world or would I still happily bare myself down for you?
It was a long journey for us to get here. The countless night spent watching each other in little boxes, perfectly curated text to brighten each other's days, quiet little noises under the blanket to hide from the world. There were also accusations based on overthinking and misworded text, jealousy masked by anger because you're halfway across the world, also crying. A lot of crying. Because I missed you, because you missed me, because of uncertainty and because of many other things because that's just how we are. Or were.
Now that everything has ended, I am at this weird intersection where I am angry but also sad. I am relieved but also uncertain. Am I feeling too much or am I feeling too little? Where do I go from here? Should I go back to you offering sweet words to soothe your pain?
Do you feel the same too? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you relieved? Do you feel uncertain too? Do you regret what you said? Do you want to come back? Repair the wounds you gave me with more words coming from the same mouth that hurt me?
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