I am a big believer of love. I used to be skeptical about love but not anymore considering that everyone around me keeps proving that true love is very real and not just a Disney movie plot.
But I am not sure whether I am a realist or a pessimist, but I do once in a while (if not everytime) think that I am not worthy of true love. I have seen people who lives alone without any partner till they're old so I don't think that it is impossible for me to have such a life. I do think about it a lot to the point that I am actually making plans on how to survive when I am old and alone. This involves adopting children because I cant think of any other ways that is more secured than that. Or maybe I just be very rich and hire a team of helpers to help me when I am old. Whichever comes first lah haha.
The reasons why I believe that I might not find anybody worth sharing my life is first, I don't even see anybody outside my circle. Except for work. My circle of friends is very small and it is not growing. I do wonder how people still managed to find new friends when they've graduated but of course, it is because they have colleagues and I work alone. My best friend told me to go out there and make new friends but he is also not making any friends out of the blue so I'll just brush it off. The second reason is because why would anybody finds me attractive haha. I do love myself, I do. I believe that I am so much more but I know it is very hard to make people see that. Especially when you're slightly overweight (but I am trying to lose more weight hehe so please don't think I'm not trying to make myself better) and does not fit to the beauty standards of the general society.
Even when I was in love (hahahahaha) with the nicest person who wouldn't be able to say anything bad about people and always tries to see all the good things in the world, I was very sure that it is not going to happen because I literally have nothing to offer. And when it is proven to be true, I did nothing because I would have done the same haha. Only I would actually reject me by giving me a link to This Is Gospel rather than personally speaking to me because I prefer to be rejected that way. Because This Is Gospel is a great song. You know what, thats what people should do. Instead of making it as something that is hard and difficult for the other person who is undoubtedly going to feel bad about being rejected, why don't you give them a good and an amazing song. They might feel a bit better. Haha. (Hehe but after I was rejected I felt super calm actually, because I had expected it and the worst part of having a crush on someone is it is hard that you cant tell the person what you're feeling when that is all that you wanted to do).
I believed that I've had moved on, considering how my brain is now constantly filled with other things. And I am no longer following poems porn because the tweets are no longer relatable. Hahahaha I used to favorite every poems porn tweet.s Man, I am super cheesy. Good thing I never hit the retweet button. That would be worse. I really hope that this blog post is not actually self abuse because I swear I am not abusing myself. I do believe that you need to be aware of your potentials and flaws so that you can make necessary plans to handle it. You shouldn't feel bad about your flaws. Embrace it, fix it if you can, and make the best out of it. I might not be able to find a husband, but I have friends who sincerely want to grow old with me. And for now, I believe that is enough for me. Believe me, the world might be hard when you have no boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, but it is harder when you have no friends.
So as a conclusion to this post, I want to thank all my friends for always being there for me. Even when I am annoying and clingy and sometimes is very hard to love because I like to be difficult. Haha. Till then, byebye.
(I know that Jodoh is in God's hand, and I do believe when the time comes, it will come. But if its not coming, I would like to be prepared for it. That's all.)
But I am not sure whether I am a realist or a pessimist, but I do once in a while (if not everytime) think that I am not worthy of true love. I have seen people who lives alone without any partner till they're old so I don't think that it is impossible for me to have such a life. I do think about it a lot to the point that I am actually making plans on how to survive when I am old and alone. This involves adopting children because I cant think of any other ways that is more secured than that. Or maybe I just be very rich and hire a team of helpers to help me when I am old. Whichever comes first lah haha.
The reasons why I believe that I might not find anybody worth sharing my life is first, I don't even see anybody outside my circle. Except for work. My circle of friends is very small and it is not growing. I do wonder how people still managed to find new friends when they've graduated but of course, it is because they have colleagues and I work alone. My best friend told me to go out there and make new friends but he is also not making any friends out of the blue so I'll just brush it off. The second reason is because why would anybody finds me attractive haha. I do love myself, I do. I believe that I am so much more but I know it is very hard to make people see that. Especially when you're slightly overweight (but I am trying to lose more weight hehe so please don't think I'm not trying to make myself better) and does not fit to the beauty standards of the general society.
Even when I was in love (hahahahaha) with the nicest person who wouldn't be able to say anything bad about people and always tries to see all the good things in the world, I was very sure that it is not going to happen because I literally have nothing to offer. And when it is proven to be true, I did nothing because I would have done the same haha. Only I would actually reject me by giving me a link to This Is Gospel rather than personally speaking to me because I prefer to be rejected that way. Because This Is Gospel is a great song. You know what, thats what people should do. Instead of making it as something that is hard and difficult for the other person who is undoubtedly going to feel bad about being rejected, why don't you give them a good and an amazing song. They might feel a bit better. Haha. (Hehe but after I was rejected I felt super calm actually, because I had expected it and the worst part of having a crush on someone is it is hard that you cant tell the person what you're feeling when that is all that you wanted to do).
I believed that I've had moved on, considering how my brain is now constantly filled with other things. And I am no longer following poems porn because the tweets are no longer relatable. Hahahaha I used to favorite every poems porn tweet.s Man, I am super cheesy. Good thing I never hit the retweet button. That would be worse. I really hope that this blog post is not actually self abuse because I swear I am not abusing myself. I do believe that you need to be aware of your potentials and flaws so that you can make necessary plans to handle it. You shouldn't feel bad about your flaws. Embrace it, fix it if you can, and make the best out of it. I might not be able to find a husband, but I have friends who sincerely want to grow old with me. And for now, I believe that is enough for me. Believe me, the world might be hard when you have no boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, but it is harder when you have no friends.
So as a conclusion to this post, I want to thank all my friends for always being there for me. Even when I am annoying and clingy and sometimes is very hard to love because I like to be difficult. Haha. Till then, byebye.
(I know that Jodoh is in God's hand, and I do believe when the time comes, it will come. But if its not coming, I would like to be prepared for it. That's all.)
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